dreams and visions
loitering around giant hotelmall
in security area, im a fighter/ guard
lady comes up to counter and hands me a silver card w words n images shifting on it, says she needs my help
we giggle
i go to her house
place has been scrubbed clean ruthless
kitchen area is missing
….?
I went to retrieve a shy girl from her family’s house. In my view she was a bit of a hermit. She needed to get out more. I asked to be let into the house. Her family looked like they didn’t want me there too much, but maybe just a little. Her father let me in. I took her to a record-making event. We spilled hot wax on a spinning turntable. It was golden clear and the center was red.
I’m riding through elevators, wearing my usual black hoodie. My coven is gathering in a loft somewhere in downtown LA.
We meet. There’s the one that has a hankering for my sweet side, that I find slightly annoying. He is going to participate in the calling of the elements.
Four of us are gathered around the grimoire. There’s a mentor of mine sitting off to the side on a folded futon, lazily watching us.
I’ve arrived a little late, they’ve begun the calling. My friend M is there, she is reading the evokation for wind. Someone else does the calling for fire, which comes next. I’m a little irritated and disappointed because I wanted to evoke fire, being a fire sun sign I’m all gung-ho about anything fire-related. No one gets in my way…urgghh…the boy that dreams of me is doing the water evokation. I feeling time run thin as someone calls earth – which am I to do? I realize I’ve been tasked with calling the fifth element. I grab my time-space slot and evoke the Bond that ties all together, the Golden Thread, thanking Spirit and all the elementals for showing presence. My mentor starts egging me to raise energy. I attempt a chant that raises energy and lowers it, forming waves around us in the glowing circle. It dies down soon to a steady beat, but I feel somewhat beat because I saw a glint of mischief in my mentor’s eyes.
I soon must go somewhere else…back to travelling…
Featured image is original art, follow for more @rasmasresha
An ad for pet rats. We are directed to a loft in downtown LA. I ask for the rats; a friendly scientist shows us around, Angel crawls down the rocks around the balcony. The woman gives us a circular steel box containing the rats and we leave.
In the car, I open the container, excited for baby rats. I find a slather of bloody tadpole looking things swimming about. I dip my fingers in and lift some out, some slip thru and disappear in the darkness. The tadpoles rapidly multiply as I watch, and I close the container.
In my bunkbed at the old apartment. I’m sad that none of the tadpoles became rats.
Pic is my ratbaby n me. R.I.P. Septimus.
Need a new living space. My dear friend M points me to this old witch’s house where she and our friend A are also moving in, I’m elated. We are gathered in some sort of introductory meeting, the room is filled with all sorts of herbs and artifacts, there’s a fire behind the old lady. She notices I’m barefoot and tells me in a fairly authoritative tone it’s important to wear socks in this house. I say nothing and kinda give M a wtf? look; she smile-shrugs and gives me a pair of purple toe coverings. Not quite socks, more like little tubes of cloth that cover the ball of my feet. I’m confused. I pull some footless tube socks over the bottom of my feet to have some semblance of a sock.
Earlier, we are going to pick up a friend from her job in a high rise building, I guess she’s sick of it and wants out? She runs past us with a mold-covered towel draped over her head, we aren’t super phased.
Desert landscape, ancient intelligently designed buildings and structures glinting gold green and fuchsia under a technicolor sunset
i’m free traveling through a quest filled world
one quest takes me through a wormhole, ancestor being contacted, lights patterns and colors all around me, It throws a solid gold mask in my direction
return to a space similar to the Shack, technologies all around, i use a viewing glass to gaze at A swimming in a large warm pool that is shaped like a snake all over landscape
blonde fish girl holds A’s hand as they wade, a small gathering of fishgirls soon trail behind them
i am searching for gear to go dip in the warm pool, it sounds ever so lovely
i’m quite scantily clad, helping out at some sort of reception where there are guest speakers.
for some reason a number of my books are in the room i am setting up. i am told by my older cousin to hide them under the table, except for any with pretty, natural setting pictures that i can display on top for the guests. the side wall of the room where the speaker will be is clear glass, an aquarium behind it.
i am still looking through the books to see which might make a nice display when it occurs to me that the speaker is speaking and the room is full of guests. i dont really give a fuck frankly and let it happen; irl that’s how i deal so as not to accept anxiety from a situation that might otherwise trigger it. then the speaker targets me specifically, says something i was barely paying attention to. i look at him out of curiosity, he’s this white guy in his late thirties early forties with short blonde-brown hair, in a wave cropped at his neck, grinning crazy positive at me. i think the lecture is something about self motivation and happiness or something. i might make some sort of half smile back and turn back to my work, getting kinda annoyed that i need to be here.
it ends, we shuffle out and i ask someone how long we need to be here, she says several hours, i groan, and she’s like yeah, that’s why we’re all fucked up. i suddenly want to run home to get my weed vape pen so i can make this situation more tolerable. she urges me on saying go for it as i debate making it back in time. ok, i race out, wave to catch a short white bus, the 28, and hop on.
so i guess “home” is this park by a lake (irl, i’m squatting on someone’s property in the desert which has a lake). it looks like this park i visited in oakland, though the streets almost seem european in a way. i think i grab my vape?
at some point i either rip or change out of my shirt thing into another one, similar. except this one is so skanky that my nipples are somehow out in the open, and my boobs look a bit bigger, my nipples swollen. i’m wrestling with it as i get on the bus to make it at least moderately appropriate i.e. covering my illegal nip parts (free the titty!!!), when i notice the tall blonde girl next to me was one of my first girl crushes, a friend i had in middle school.
i wake up. reminds me of smoking weed to get thru a library job i had as a student. and to make class more tolerable. was not always a good idea lol.
I’m on my college campus. Someone offers me acid, they have it in liquid form and I hold up a book. They squirt it all over the book, it’s somewhat viscous, I lick it up and go wandering.
I start to feel myself coming up as I walk around the campus. Recalling a bad trip I had irl on LSD I decide to seek out my friend L who was experienced w/ the substance. I find her in a trailer and we talk for a bit, she reminds me I just need to stay positive or take it easy blah blah something.
A second dream I had recently, similar, occurring at some point before the above dream. I took acid in tab form with my friend K. We went to someone’s house, just like the first time I took acid irl. There was a lot of dark blue in this dream. I don’t think anyone was at the house. I remember K sorta laughingly being like, you good? I felt like he was judging me for the way I was being, whatever that “way” was, and this seems a reflection of fears that come up for me generally, but can be heightened on psychedelics, due to the level of introspection possible.
These dreams reflect my hesitation towards using hallucinogenic substances over the past year, a major change from the past several years. After the discomfort I experienced on my last LSD trip (I’ve only taken it twice) I experienced several months of psychological/emotional difficulty and thought loops unlike I’d ever experienced before; I had much trouble adjusting to shifting realities and would as such try to piece them together instead of letting myself flow and adjust naturally; experienced a great deal of derealization/depersonalization at this time. It took some time to integrate what I learned and return to my mindful beingness. Smoking weed, which had previously been a relatively harmless thing, would now often bring back all sorts of delusional mind content reminiscent of that trip, fears that my mind was being read, self judgement etc. and I’d get very stuck sad and scared at times. So I’ve frequently found myself wanting to seek the guidance of other drug users, since I know this is a relatively standard experience for many who’ve experimented with psychoactive substances.
Eventually I decided that I really just needed to trust what I knew, deep inside. That all the content I observed of my mind related to my cognitive processes, and revealed much data about what I call my self, or human nature. I decided that none of this information could hurt me, that in fact it could help me. If I accepted that I had weaknesses, I could make decisions that allow me to get a little bit braver/more compassionate when confronted with them. I didn’t have to hate myself for thinking any thoughts, in fact hating myself was the most debilitating choice I could make. Forgiveness is the key.
These realizations cleared my foggy fucked up lenses.
I’m packing my bag, angrily. Righteously… urging my mom to leave with me. We’re in a hotel room with my father (and uncle I think) and I’ve broken out of a gaslit haze come to my senses that I have every right to get out of this toxic situation. In the background my father simpers, saying that’s not necessary, why don’t we go out to breakfast? He continues to ooze out nothings in his ingratiating matter. There’s no end to the emotional manipulation, the self centered behavior. I turn to my mom who I feel like I have broken through to, as though she sees with fresh eyes the ways of my dad, and the destructive affect each have on each other. She is hesitating.
Earlier in the dream…I’m in high school again. Except this me isn’t so repressed. I’m in the hallways, with my best friend M at the time, loudly calling people out, saying whatever I want to them, commenting on their behavior, being sharp, fire. M is the one trying to guide me away before I get into a fight or something. Sorta a role reversal compared to waking life.
A movie theater…a 3d animated film where Rihanna is the protagonist, fierce do-gooder on some sort of campus…I merge with her/her story and eventually end up in the hotel room.
Themes of self-assertion and feminine bonding in this dream.
I become lucid and go to the ocean. I am flying slowly. The waves are inches below me, the wind warm, the night purple and star-studded. I dive into the water.
The water is clear and blue, seems to be internally lit. I see several happily swimming golden blurs of dogs, I feel the joy, it seems like music is coming out of them. Immediately one swims up to me, much like a golden retriever but with an oddly circular human face. A slightly feminine voice, she says “You’ve found me!” I’m filled with an incredible peace and ecstasy. She makes me think of an older lady I grew quite close to in a hospital once.
She takes me on her back and we whirl through a number of places, I am trying to keep my balance on her back as she has become a long eel type creature. I am full of wonder. We pass through a high ceilinged kitchen with maze-like patterns on the wall.
We start to pass through a busy subway, all kinds of people and creatures milling about – and I’ve fallen off as we passed over a downward escalator. I look off worried about catching up as I notice my dog-eel friend has kept going and getting further away. A black girl with a small scar above her eye and a ponytail has stopped me with a knife in her hand, trying to keep me moving forward. I recognize her as a manifestation of me (shadow?) and start to struggle with her, grasping her wrist to keep her from stabbing me. I will myself to wake up in a panic, even though I am more frustrated than scared, even though I consider that her knife would not truly hurt me in the dream state.
I teleport to a bedroom. See a small girl’s head with two hair buns slightly greenish floating at the foot. I roll over and wake up.
i spy / behind dark brown eyes 
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