i’m quite scantily clad, helping out at some sort of reception where there are guest speakers.
for some reason a number of my books are in the room i am setting up. i am told by my older cousin to hide them under the table, except for any with pretty, natural setting pictures that i can display on top for the guests. the side wall of the room where the speaker will be is clear glass, an aquarium behind it.
i am still looking through the books to see which might make a nice display when it occurs to me that the speaker is speaking and the room is full of guests. i dont really give a fuck frankly and let it happen; irl that’s how i deal so as not to accept anxiety from a situation that might otherwise trigger it. then the speaker targets me specifically, says something i was barely paying attention to. i look at him out of curiosity, he’s this white guy in his late thirties early forties with short blonde-brown hair, in a wave cropped at his neck, grinning crazy positive at me. i think the lecture is something about self motivation and happiness or something. i might make some sort of half smile back and turn back to my work, getting kinda annoyed that i need to be here.
it ends, we shuffle out and i ask someone how long we need to be here, she says several hours, i groan, and she’s like yeah, that’s why we’re all fucked up. i suddenly want to run home to get my weed vape pen so i can make this situation more tolerable. she urges me on saying go for it as i debate making it back in time. ok, i race out, wave to catch a short white bus, the 28, and hop on.
so i guess “home” is this park by a lake (irl, i’m squatting on someone’s property in the desert which has a lake). it looks like this park i visited in oakland, though the streets almost seem european in a way. i think i grab my vape?
at some point i either rip or change out of my shirt thing into another one, similar. except this one is so skanky that my nipples are somehow out in the open, and my boobs look a bit bigger, my nipples swollen. i’m wrestling with it as i get on the bus to make it at least moderately appropriate i.e. covering my illegal nip parts (free the titty!!!), when i notice the tall blonde girl next to me was one of my first girl crushes, a friend i had in middle school.
i wake up. reminds me of smoking weed to get thru a library job i had as a student. and to make class more tolerable. was not always a good idea lol.