Taking LSD in a Dream (two dreams and reflection)

I’m on my college campus. Someone offers me acid, they have it in liquid form and I hold up a book. They squirt it all over the book, it’s somewhat viscous, I lick it up and go wandering.

I start to feel myself coming up as I walk around the campus. Recalling a bad trip I had irl on LSD I decide to seek out my friend L who was experienced w/ the substance. I find her in a trailer and we talk for a bit, she reminds me I just need to stay positive or take it easy blah blah something.

A second dream I had recently, similar, occurring at some point before the above dream. I took acid in tab form with my friend K. We went to someone’s house, just like the first time I took acid irl. There was a lot of dark blue in this dream. I don’t think anyone was at the house. I remember K sorta laughingly being like, you good? I felt like he was judging me for the way I was being, whatever that “way” was, and this seems a reflection of fears that come up for me generally, but can be heightened on psychedelics, due to the level of introspection possible.

These dreams reflect my hesitation towards using hallucinogenic substances over the past year, a major change from the past several years. After the discomfort I experienced on my last LSD trip (I’ve only taken it twice) I experienced several months of psychological/emotional difficulty and thought loops unlike I’d ever experienced before; I had much trouble adjusting to shifting realities and would as such try to piece them together instead of letting myself flow and adjust naturally; experienced a great deal of derealization/depersonalization at this time. It took some time to integrate what I learned and return to my mindful beingness. Smoking weed, which had previously been a relatively harmless thing, would now often bring back all sorts of delusional mind content reminiscent of that trip, fears that my mind was being read, self judgement etc. and I’d get very stuck sad and scared at times. So I’ve frequently found myself wanting to seek the guidance of other drug users, since I know this is a relatively standard experience for many who’ve experimented with psychoactive substances.

Eventually I decided that I really just needed to trust what I knew, deep inside. That all the content I observed of my mind related to my cognitive processes, and revealed much data about what I call my self, or human nature. I decided that none of this information could hurt me, that in fact it could help me. If I accepted that I had weaknesses, I could make decisions that allow me to get a little bit braver/more compassionate when confronted with them. I didn’t have to hate myself for thinking any thoughts, in fact hating myself was the most debilitating choice I could make. Forgiveness is the key.

These realizations cleared my foggy fucked up lenses.

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Journey 6/16/17 via mirror gazing

First I see a hunched dark shadow. I approach it and it scratches desperately at me. I say I just want to love you and see you. Eventually it reveals itself to me. She has my head, shaved and all, but has the body of a young girl. I watch her struggle to accept my love, but she lets me hold her eventually. She then stands before me, shakes a little, and transforms into a tutu and other flowing clothing. She twirls. She asks me to dance with her. We dance for some time, then she backs away from me. She looks scared and uncertain, maybe like she doesn’t know if she can trust me. I feel like a parent figure this whole time. She is suddenly naked. She stands before me for some time, just looking at me, and going through emotions in her head. Eventually she sits, cross-legged, and picks at her skin, pulling it back to reveal a bright shining light coming through. I watch her as she slowly unravels and her body sheds eventually, and she is made of light.