We are in a giant pumpkin patch maze looking for the party that my entire family is throwing for me. I am wearing leather boots that are a little gothy with a high heel. Haystacks tower several feet above me on all my sides.
Paul is there, dressed in the burgundy and purple paisely shirt I love so much. He bows, holding my hand and kisses it, I see the love burning behind his slightly red eyes.
I pull him close. Kiss him goodbye and walk away. I do not know if he knows it is our last kiss, but I intend for him to realize it by sunset so as to save himself the embarrassment of seeing my family.
I materialize with Tom somewhere, who I feel somewhat obligated to watch over. I take him into the place where all my family is gathered. He speaks for a long time, in a monologue, talking about his life. I get the feeling that everyone is waiting for him to finish, increasingly growing humorous. He jokes that he is a temporary artist. My aunt blurts “She is an artist, and not temporary.” Then Johnny comes to escort Tom away; I come too.
When I return, everyone is trying to give me advice and wants to film me. I am switched to the viewpoint of the film, which is from below my face. They start touching my face, dragging their thumbs across my face, making my skin ripple slightly. I look indifferent to the groping, but a little pleased to be on the camera. I have tattoos all over my face.
Something says to me. “Death: accepting inemotion.”
First, there’s me and Vi walking through campus in a haze of sun and sea sweat, our arms linked. We stop at the Starbucks (most unlike us IRL). I feel melancholy inside there, and I want to buy things to remember us all by. The coffee shop has all sorts of goodies pop out at me, especially a silver moon decor piece with purple hanging chains from it, holding more silver plates. I get in line and purchase a powerpuff girls wallet as well as some stuffed animals. But I steal the moon – then walk out of the coffee shop without telling my friends or saying goodbye.
I find a schoolbus, full of excited girls/femmes who are wearing colorful clothes. There is no bus driver, but the bus moves on its own. Everything is fine and dandy and then we suddenly reach what appears to be the top of a roller coaster…the road pointing vertically down. The bus rolls on forward and someone behind me yells excitedly “Don’t fake it!!!!” We all scream and squeal as the bus twists and falls its way back to the ground, never leaving the railing.
Then we all make our way to what is decided will be our new hideout. Party clothes and stuffed animals everywhere. We get to the hideout and there’s a fridge like space where we all pile up our clothing. I busy myself organizing and feeling kind of separate from the rest of the femme’s excitement.
First I see a hunched dark shadow. I approach it and it scratches desperately at me. I say I just want to love you and see you. Eventually it reveals itself to me. She has my head, shaved and all, but has the body of a young girl. I watch her struggle to accept my love, but she lets me hold her eventually. She then stands before me, shakes a little, and transforms into a tutu and other flowing clothing. She twirls. She asks me to dance with her. We dance for some time, then she backs away from me. She looks scared and uncertain, maybe like she doesn’t know if she can trust me. I feel like a parent figure this whole time. She is suddenly naked. She stands before me for some time, just looking at me, and going through emotions in her head. Eventually she sits, cross-legged, and picks at her skin, pulling it back to reveal a bright shining light coming through. I watch her as she slowly unravels and her body sheds eventually, and she is made of light.
We’re camping in the desert, me and my family. Now in the physical realm I do not have any siblings, but in this realm I have a brother and a sister. We wander off, and I carry with me a book of unknown description. We find a forest. The trees completely engulf us as we wade deeper into the greenery. I trail off behind my siblings who race forward to a black, mesh, tubelike bridge that crosses a great cliff opening. The tube is so narrow that we have to crawl inside. On our hands and knees we make it through to the other side, another forest, but before us lies a tall wooden library, softened by age and rainfall. We enter the library, which is abandoned except for a middle-aged woman walking decisively through the stacks, mumbling to herself every now and then. I hope to myself that the Librarian will not think the book I have is hers and force me to give it to her. My brother and sister wander. I think to myself, “This is a beautiful old library and I must steal a book to bring back with me, since I will not be returning to this place anytime soon I will not be able to return a book otherwise.” At some point, I realize I have picked up a book of fairy-tales and that the Library is going to close soon. I scramble around as I wait for the perfect opportunity to sneak out of the library. Then I realize the Librarian is about to leave, so I make for the exit and step out just before her. To my relief, no alarms go off as I walk through with the stolen book and make for the bridge. I start to crawl through the bridge and notice it is collapsing behind me; giant rocks are falling on top of the tunnel behind me, and I scramble towards the end of the bridge. As I plop out the end of the bridge, my brother and sister are nowhere in sight, and gone too is the Forest. I am instead in a vast tundra, snow falling lightly all around me.